Originally posted by Sofia Hariz
Time to mix those exquisite Tony Star-ters, a handful of Aveggies, some Loki-charms and a bag of delicious Thor-tillas and crank the heat up Max-imoff! This blend of quality garbage will trick your friends into thinking you’re a decent cook and forget about the DC-usting cakes they make for themselves.
So you want to make a Marvel movie, huh? Good idea. Follow these steps closely, and you’ll end up with a shiny and colorful piece of recycled nonsense that will fill people with infinite joy and have them begging for (Alan) Moore.
And just like Tequila and Taylor Swift, it will be easy to trick people into thinking it’s actually enjoyable and that more of it is a good idea.
Time to open that Black Panth-ry and get cookin.
Ingredients:
– Unlimited funds
– Phrases the youths use these days
– BWOOOOONG!
– Bright colour filters
– Robert Downey Jr.
– Miscellaneous people in spandex
– God of the Nerds
– Sad Ben Affleck
Start with a base of approx. 250 million dollars in the shape of an MTV Movie Award. Glue them together with sweat collected at San Diego Comic Con and leave to dry- you’ll pour the mix in it later. If you don’t have sufficient dollar bills, a suggestion would be to ask your father for a small business loan of a million dollars.
Now it’s time to make the actual filling. It should be shiny, recognizable and smell of unfulfilled childhoods.
Start off with a shaky and somewhat forgettable script. The form and quality of the script is irrelevant – you’re gonna cover most of it with frosting anyways. Once mixed together into a mush, add a handful of one-liners to make it look consistent.
Pour in a recycled soundtrack. This only works as a “mood fixer”, so nothing new here is needed.
At this point the mix will look quite bland and messy, which is okay. Simply add in the X Pro II Instagram filter to brighten things up. If you’re still worried about the color, consult with an Apple Genius on ways to make a product without substance seem more appealing through visual distractions.
Distribute a handful of hero-mixes unevenly. Make sure to check the labels and use more of those with familiar names. The mix will look quite white and masculine at this point, so make sure to add some explosions to distract from this. Leather and red hair also works, given the preference of your guests. The mix labelled “Downey Jr.” should make up for the biggest chunk.
If you’re looking to take some risks, try adding the spices “romance”, “actual ethical dilemmas” or “emotional consequence”. Reception may vary.
Kick and punch the mix until it’s firm and ready to bake, but make sure to save a scoop or two for the inevitable masterpieces you’re gonna make based off of this one later. Too much mix is the exact amount you want.
Have difficulties with your pacing while finishing it up, but make sure to speed things up close to the ending.
By the end you should also pour in “Forgettable villain” – this will give it a reason to exist. Some also use about a cup of “Reoccurring purple end credit villain everyone pretends they’re familiar with, but nobody really does” for that special something.
Now, the secret ingredient that you MUST include is an ancient substance called “Stan Lee”. Only a tiny dose of this is needed, as it is highly addictive and concentrated. It is what will keep your guests coming back for more. Forever. And ever.
Allergic reactions might occur with individuals who live off of a Bat-based diet.
Let it rest under a Marvel fan.
Finish off with a pinch of DC Comics tears.
So there you go, a Marvel masterpiece that will make your guests cry, smile, laugh and get serious withdrawal symptoms hours after ingesting, which will lead them to come back begging for more, quicker than you can say “CHA-CHING!”.
And if everything fails, you have nobody to blame but yourself. You could’ve just served plain Robert Brownie Jr’s.
Hope you enjoyed this recipe, stay tuned for more excerpts from Sofia’s cookbook.
Until next time – get hyped.
